it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
