i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
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I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
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I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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