Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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