i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
