he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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