You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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