I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize