Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
