Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
