he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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