everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
