Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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