so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
