ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
