she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This house was built for laser tag.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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