So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i came on her dog
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
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I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later