I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.