i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
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Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.