end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT