the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?