Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
