That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Randomize
