You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
