I am puke
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
