I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
