I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
