Kiss
Puke
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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