I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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