It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
