Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
