dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Oh god it's open bar.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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