I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
