What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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