if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
