I heard we made out
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
