he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you never un-have a 4some
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
