We're facebook friends in real life
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
