What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
