Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm too high and old for this...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
