kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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