I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
