Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
