She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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