areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
