I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
