So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Enjoy the penises
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
