Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
