I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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