I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
