They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
