He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
