There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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