Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
did i just pee glitter
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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