i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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