Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He felt like a one man threesome
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
