Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
