Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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