I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
