I got chris browned last night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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