Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
