I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
