:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it hurts more in the daytime
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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