I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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