In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
