is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
