drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
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You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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