all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
