If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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