I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
