I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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