the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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