Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
this hospital has no fireball
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
