Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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