just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The Olympian is in my bed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
